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Claire Adelonia

Claire Adelonia

Increasing Amount Of Americans Now Respect Social Distance Norms When Mugging

July 16, 2020
HYANNIS - Martha Stoughton says that when she was mugged just the other day, "he kept several feet away and even used a face mask."

New Guy Feels Like Real American After Getting Anti-Depressants

December 01, 2018
It hasn't been easy for Christoph McDermott, a new U.S. citizen. We asked his coworkers how he's doing: "He's anxious, depressed, doesn't eat well, and neglects to exercise. He's fitting in very well."

Trump Tariffs Begin To Hurt Cape's Cherished Whirly-Gig Industry

July 27, 2018
TRURO - With the increased cost of steel from China, local businesses have been forced to conserve whirly-gig supplies. "I could get a premium whirly-bird for about $20, now you'd be lucky to get a single colored gee-haw for that price!"

Cape Cod Community College Erroneously Sends Acceptance Letter To All Twelve Applicants

April 28, 2018
HYANNIS - The Cape Cod Community College accidentally sent out acceptance letters to more than 11 applicants, implying that all 12 had been accepted to the institution. It was made worse by the attempt to cover up the error and simply accept all applicants.

Town Of Yarmouth Grateful For Additional Snow To Keep Imperfections Covered

March 22, 2018
Locals in Yarmouth have been looking at the brighter side of power outages, downed trees, and a stubborn foot of snow that just won't go away. Instead of complaining, residents are raving about the benefits. We asked local resident Tanya Carter to explain how this works. "Well, most businesses are closed and the town is empty, which is great because we don't have to look at or interact with each other." Tanya reports that after spending time away from other Yarmouth locals, her mood has improve

$20M Fleet Of Vehicles Missing, Last Seen On Otis AFB Before New Coat Of Camouflage Paint

February 11, 2018
Ten military vehicles were reported missing on Wednesday, shortly after being painted with high-tech camouflage paint designed to blend in with urban settings.

"Why Not Buy Valentines Gifts While Christmas Shopping?" Says Overprepared Walmart In Wareham

December 27, 2017
Who doesn't joke once in a while about how stores like to put out seasonal displays too early? But where do you draw the line?

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