Owen Belltower

With a thick Boston accent, Darla Metcalfe rambled on the inconveniences of living in a tourist destination. "These people just don't care, there's no respect!" she growled, cutting someone off before turning into a crowded Dunkin Donuts drive-thru.

Neighbors aren't surprised, "I knew he had a problem by the 37th buoy," Margaret Butenfold says, admitting that the average person should have no more than zero buoys.

"Our reasoning was, the extra fat and cholesterol from their low quality ingredients would probably help us to stay warm until the power gets restored."

When he's not knee-deep in providing excellent customer service, Tom Mcleung likes to lay it on thick. Too old to be naive, too young to be jaded and unproductive, Tom hits the sweet spot of corporate culture's ideal employee. Like the young whippersnapper that he is, prepared with a draft agenda of several bullet points worth of ideas and questions, Tom was ready to soak up knowledge from one of the region's thought leaders on cost effective compliance. "There's actually a lot of interesting th

Retail staff were stunned to see the anxiety on a customer's face as she grabbed several remotes and danced around the TV section. She suffers from what is called VOCD, *volume obsessive compulsive disorder* which triggers an overwhelming feeling of anxiety when volume is set to "bad" numbers.

BOURNE - The Cape Cod community is in panic after thousands of residents are reporting an epidemic of gephyrophobia, a terrifying fear of bridges. It takes nearly 60 seconds to cross the bridge, plenty of time to crap your pants and slow your car to a complete stop, causing hours of traffic.

It's a nice experience at Whole Foods, everyone is chipper as a bug in springtime. Especially that one chick who is way happier than anyone around her. You can hear her talking as you approach the checkout line.