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Owen Belltower

Owen Belltower

"Riveting!" Chatty Employee Exaggerates Enjoyment Of HIPAA Compliance Webinar

February 21, 2018
When he's not knee-deep in providing excellent customer service, Tom Mcleung likes to lay it on thick. Too old to be naive, too young to be jaded and unproductive, Tom hits the sweet spot of corporate culture's ideal employee. Like the young whippersnapper that he is, prepared with a draft agenda of several bullet points worth of ideas and questions, Tom was ready to soak up knowledge from one of the region's thought leaders on cost effective compliance. "There's actually a lot of interesting th

OCD Sufferer Lets Loose At Best Buy Setting All TV's To "Perfect Volume" Of Even Numbers

February 17, 2018
Retail staff were stunned to see the anxiety on a customer's face as she grabbed several remotes and danced around the TV section. She suffers from what is called VOCD, *volume obsessive compulsive disorder* which triggers an overwhelming feeling of anxiety when volume is set to "bad" numbers.

Barnstable Sheriff Warns Residents Of Full-Blown Gephyrophobia Outbreak

January 27, 2018
BOURNE - The Cape Cod community is in panic after thousands of residents are reporting an epidemic of gephyrophobia, a terrifying fear of bridges. It takes nearly 60 seconds to cross the bridge, plenty of time to crap your pants and slow your car to a complete stop, causing hours of traffic.

Naive Girl Working The Checkout At Wholefoods Thinks Everything Is "Just So Awesome"

December 22, 2017
It's a nice experience at Whole Foods, everyone is chipper as a bug in springtime. Especially that one chick who is way happier than anyone around her. You can hear her talking as you approach the checkout line.

Republicans Add Last Minute "Trickle-Down Gift Giving" As Amendment To Tax Bill

December 16, 2017
Instead of giving gifts to your friends and family, Republicans think it would be better to give all your gifts to the wealthy, which will stimulate the economy and inevitably trickle down to your family.

Army Veteran Brushes Up On Medical Training While Mending Burrito Wound At Hyannis Bistro

December 12, 2017
To Jake Lackey, burritos are a way to train for his doctorate as a medical surgeon while also catching up on some delicious beans and fresh salsa. I prefer to order extra ingredients so the burrito bursts open with wounds of mexican-inspired flavor. Then, I operate.

Barnstable Man Transforms Drive-Thru Car Wash Into Dunkin' Donuts, Customers Awash With Joy

December 07, 2017
What was once a stale and unnecessary car wash has now been turned into a stale and unnecessary Dunkin' Donuts, located on Route 6A on the North Shore.

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