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Owen Belltower

Owen Belltower

Army Veteran Brushes Up On Medical Training While Mending Burrito Wound At Hyannis Bistro

December 12, 2017
To Jake Lackey, burritos are a way to train for his doctorate as a medical surgeon while also catching up on some delicious beans and fresh salsa. I prefer to order extra ingredients so the burrito bursts open with wounds of mexican-inspired flavor. Then, I operate.

Barnstable Man Transforms Drive-Thru Car Wash Into Dunkin' Donuts, Customers Awash With Joy

December 07, 2017
What was once a stale and unnecessary car wash has now been turned into a stale and unnecessary Dunkin' Donuts, located on Route 6A on the North Shore.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Looking To Take Advantage Of Akido Martial Arts Training

December 01, 2017
Akido, the Japanese martial art, is more than self-defense. To Sarah Huckabee Sanders, it's a way of life. "At my first lesson, I learned that Akido teaches you courage, decisiveness, strength, clarity of mind, and compassion," and I said "Yeah, that's great and all, but..."

Roy Moore Blames Sexual Assault Allegations On "Far-Left" Testicles

December 01, 2017
Those testicles that stick to your leg, they don't just lean to the left, they're down right extremists. Roy says "For far too long we've been held hostage by these ungodly temptations," and "These liberals want everything for free"

Stubborn Harwich Man Refuses To Cut Back On His Weeding

November 28, 2017
"They just keep coming back," Gerald said as he bent over uneasily. "You have to get them while they're young or else it's uncontrollable. It's unbelievable how many there are." Like many of the residents here in Harwich, Gerald is concerned about his lawn. "Ever since he became retired, I can't keep him away from that damn lawn," his wife Amity tells. "And he's losing his hearing so it's not easy to call him back in." She loves how well he matches the petunias with the shade of their house, bu

Petite Woman Makes Small Donation at Poop Bank

November 19, 2017
With recent advancements in scientific research, doctors have found that stool samples can be a safe and effective alternative to risky medication and treatment for intestinal problems. Infections of C. diff can affect half a million people in the U.S. and kill over 30,000 per year.

Hyannis Man โ€œTotally Doneโ€ With Salt-Grinders After First Experience At Friendlyโ€™s

November 15, 2017
Part of Friendlyโ€™s rebranding effort only years ago, they replaced all the salt shakers with salt-grinders. โ€œWhy the hell would I want to grind my own salt?โ€ Benjamin wondered. His curiosity was short-lived and ended with frustration.

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