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Barnstable Sheriff Warns Residents Of Full-Blown Gephyrophobia Outbreak

BOURNE - The Cape Cod community is in panic after thousands of residents are reporting an epidemic of gephyrophobia, a terrifying fear of bridges.

Sheriff Barron D. Metcalfe of Barnstable has an important message for residents that frequently drive to or from Cape Cod, and with the County Public Relations Team has only moments ago released a statement:

You might not know you have a fear of bridges until it's too late. Work from home if possible, and cut down on traffic volumes to give our transportation department time to find a solution.

What's the problem with a fear of bridges? According to Sheriff Metcalfe,

It takes nearly 60 seconds to cross the bridge, which is plenty of time to crap your pants and slow your car to a complete stop, causing hours of traffic backup.

A normal life with gephyrophobia is still possible, Barnstable officials say, "just not if you live on a peninsula like Cape Cod." They laughingly told residents to close their eyes before they cross the bridge. "Please do not literally close your eyes while driving across the bridge," they added.

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