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County Commissioner Bravely Defends Right To Harass Women, Drive Municipal Vans

BARNSTABLE - County Commissioner and Twitter Personality Ron Beaty Jr. (right) refused to sign the county’s social media, sexual harassment and vehicle use policies on Wednesday.

Beaty, who serves on the three member board along with Mary Patt Flynn (middle) an actual Pirate (left), refused to sign the document Wednesday, leaving many puzzled constituents questioning whether this was a much larger cover-up.

Department of Sanitation Employee Michael Quann chimed in with a theory that is gaining momentum with constituents as they try to make sense of the bizarre refusal to sign,

“I’m just saying I never seen him write in cursive before."

Michael continued, "refusing a sexual harassment policy right now seems wild. I’m not saying he doesn’t know any of the letters I’m just saying maybe he can’t do his whole name out. No footage of him ever writing in cursive either I never saw a clip ever of him writing longhand for speed or accuracy. If I had to guess that’s the story here, that’s why he didn’t sign. He’s probably embarrassed. Everyone’s a sex pervert now, they got Tom Ashbrook the other day. People almost expecting it now it’s like whatever. Grown man can’t write his name in cursive holding public office, that’s a whole different level of scandal, but being a cursive-illiterate adult could sink a career.” Quan was one of 300 city workers to sign the document without incident.

Allegations continue to swell in light of Wednesday’s stand. As of publication the Beedy Camp has declined to comment on any of our requests for information. Most concerning is his refusal to release any information regarding his ability to write in cursive OR whether or not he is in fact “Live Action Peter Griffin.”

This article will be updated as the story develops.