Last week Falmouth Police responded to a vandalized wall in Woods Hole, it read "RESIST" and featured a bright orange ticket held out by a dark figure in the shape of a parking ticket enforcement officer.
Notorious to locals, this male meter maid has been handing out parking tickets at every opportunity. Visitors aren't as informed and get caught off-guard by the overwhelming oppression, never to visit again.
Jared, a self-professed jock from Jersey, complained as he left Pie In The Sky, "this guy must think he's a real fucking hero." Casting his steaming-hot caramel macchiato into the street, he screamed "Fuck this place" as he quickly and awkwardly accelerated to a red light only several feet away, forcing himself to slam on the brakes. Jared had become compromised by his emotions and let it ruin his day.
A local resident who asked to remain anonymous said, "ever since he got that badge he's been on a power trip. He will get out the ruler to check if you're more than six inches from the curb. I got six inches for ya right here, pal!"
Anyone who lives here knows that their car and their wallet will never be safe on the ride-or-die streets of Woods Hole. Many choose a life of social isolation to avoid the chance of encountering the maid. We asked Margaret Peterson why she chooses to live without a car, "no, I sold my car because I needed money. You see, the average take-home salary has been stagnant over the last 5 years. Anyway that's a different story but yeah I know that guy and he's a dick."