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Authorities seized one of the largest busts this year after a raid on Timmy's Little Piper Crib in his parents bedroom. Officials say the contraband has a potential street value of $29 depending on whether they were hand-me-downs.

Neighbors aren't surprised, "I knew he had a problem by the 37th buoy," Margaret Butenfold says, admitting that the average person should have no more than zero buoys.

Locals in Yarmouth have been looking at the brighter side of power outages, downed trees, and a stubborn foot of snow that just won't go away. Instead of complaining, residents are raving about the benefits. We asked local resident Tanya Carter to explain how this works. "Well, most businesses are closed and the town is empty, which is great because we don't have to look at or interact with each other." Tanya reports that after spending time away from other Yarmouth locals, her mood has improve

William had come to the United States fleeing persecution from Voldemort after he took control of the one and only Gringotts Bank. We asked William how he feels about going back home. He said there isn't much work for goblins except in the halls of the bank.

"Carpel tunnel is a serious and debilitating problem," says Dr. Rollipart, "and in all my years at Cape Cod Hospital, I have never seen anything like this. It's a pandemic."

Adding a rubber nipple to your vape is like taping baseball cards to the spokes on your bicycle. It just makes it better, the whole experience. You can call it a win-win, I know we are.

Jerry the Paramedic Doll says "I am prone to injuries that require CPR. Despite not knowing what's wrong with me, it's almost always the CPR that saves me. I'm lucky to be alive," but does not know he's a paramedic doll.