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USPS on Cape Cod To Offer Free Expedited Service When Sending Thoughts And Prayers

The United States Postal Service has faced tightened budgets every year for the past twenty years. Only now has it found a way to crawl out of this deficit with the newly profitable mailing service for delivering thoughts and prayers with super-speed.

"We know that people are sending thoughts and prayers and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. We need to invest in the consumer to stay competitive,"

says Roger Archibald, head of USPS Client Services.

"Many of those aren't making it to their destination on time, which is why people are still nervous about their mysterious yet valid visits to the hospital and the world is falling apart. If we can get those thoughts, prayers AND even healing energy to the right people in a reasonable amount of time, we think it could really improve the outcome for all of those problems."

After the test phase, the USPS plans to offer "good vibes" and several variations of thoughts such as "warm thoughts" and "positive thoughts" in the list of services it will carry in the new system.